Real life only

Stolen from A Softer World à la Joey Comeau

Hello, there should be more advice about dealing with depression when you’re stupid and worthless, so here is a self help exercise. 

Today’s assignment is simple. Just go out and get on the bus. 

It doesn’t matter which bus. Whichever bus comes next. Get on, and just go. You could ride that bus to the very end, thank the driver, and then walk into the woods and just die. Just lay down right there and wait and wait until you were dead. Who is going to miss you? 

Really, think about it. If you went out to the middle of nowhere and just sat down in a ditch and cried by yourself until you were dead, who would be the first person to wonder where you’d gone? 

Call them up! Maybe they want to get ice cream?

(Source: asofterworld.com)

I’m supposed to be writing a composition for French class about the high class career I had at Baskin Robbins. But it’s just making me crave cookie dough ice cream. 

This semester’s going good. I’m taking some art classes. Graphic design is cool, even though it’s super primitive and we’re not allowed to use computers. Painting is fun, sometimes. We’re only allowed to use different shades of gray right now. So I mix up awesome colors, but then I have to murder them into gray. La classe de francais est douce. I’m getting back into the swing of it. And my English classes are my favorite, as always.

I’m really happy to be back at Bing. I feel like I took last semester off. And now I have my real life back again. 

I feel like toast. I went everywhere today and got nothing accomplished. Going back to Binghamton tomorrow so everything can make sense again.

I woke up early for this. 

Slumped. Death Cab’s The New Year sums it up perfectly.

Harmonized Diversity 

We live together,

under the sun and a god

we don’t agree on.

Weird only to those who know.

We wear sunglasses

in the snow. 

Share candy and clementines,

vodka and clean clothes.

Mix schoolwork with drugs

each has her own pleasure. 

We can be healthy

or narcoleptic,

obscene or well-behaved,

within reason,

too happy

to be called normal.

The hard nights and alleged disasters

all pass by

unnoticed.

I may trip,

bleed, and bruise,

but the ground is still here.

My study abroad experience is drawing to a close. I leave in two days. Despite the fact that I was miserable and homesick for the first half of the semester, I have to say that England has been a positive learning experience. Not so much where school is concerned. I don’t think I’ve ever learned so little in a semester. The poetry class I took at Bing was much more interesting than the one I took here. Critical Theory is just not for me, but at least my seminar teacher was an entertaining nutjob, making class somewhat tolerable. Russian Lit was awesome. I loved Crime and Punishment. I even enjoyed writing my 2,000 word essay on it. Everyone told me not to take Russian Lit cause it sounded hard. A perfect example of how even if everyone is telling you to not do something, you should do it anyway if you believe if it’s right for you.

English accents have grown on me. They’re so funny sometimes just because of how they articulate words, especially if they’re upset or outraged. I sound like a xenophobic talking about them that way, though. What I’m trying to say is, I like the accent.

I now fully appreciate the United States of America. I had expected my time in England to turn me into a traitor of my country. I was ready to find new English people to befriend and just have the absolute time of my life. That didn’t happen at all. I loved the Binghamton kids more than anyone else. However, I did find some lovely British people along the way, and I made some cool friends in my classes by the end of the semester. My homesickness also made me realize how much I love my family, and how lucky I am to have them. My mom’s emails and holiday care packages were the reason I mentally survived this semester. I can’t wait to go home and just not leave my house until it’s time to go back to Bing.

Traveling was the best perk of studying abroad. I had never left America before I came here. Now I feel like I understand Britain a lot better. Going to London, Amsterdam, Paris, and Rome was surreal to me. The time I spent in Paris is making me consider a minor in French. Staying with Liz, Jamie, and Sara in Rome was a brilliant choice. They’re such amazing people. I’m so grateful they let me crash and took such good care of me and my friends.

I’m not completely sure why I decided to study abroad. It’s something I felt I was supposed to do, and my mom and dad thought it was a once in a lifetime opportunity. I kind of applied on a whim and everything just fell into place. It’s true that spending so much time away from my friends, family, and country makes me feel like I’ll never want to leave New York again, but who knows. I don’t want to live in Norwich, that I know for sure. I’m really happy that I ended up here, and that I get to go home on Saturday. Garden City has NEVER sounded so good.